Blog
The Importance of Preserving Relationships Post-Divorce
There’s a great deal of research showing that children of divorce do well when their parents respect each other and when each parent encourages the children to have a good relationship with the other. The terms of the parenting plan itself are of far less importance, from a child’s point of view, so long as both parents are basically decent caregivers. When I was a litigator, I witnessed situations where parents who meant well destroyed their children emotionally fighting over which parenting plan terms were best for the children.Ironically, those parents didn’t mean to hurt their children. In fact, they were trying to protect them. They simply lost sight of the big picture. Of course, that makes no sense. What children need, more than anything, is family harmony. This is where Collaborative Divorce excels. With a coach (sometimes two coaches) to help the parents talk to each other and a child specialist to help discern and hold the children’s needs,parents are supported … [Read More...]
Navigating Emotional and Financial Costs of Divorce
Divorce is a life-altering journey filled with emotional and financial challenges. When a marriage ends, it can feel like the world around you is crumbling. Here, we will explore ways to navigate both the emotional and financial costs of divorce. The Emotional Costs: Emotions run high during a divorce. You may experience feelings of grief, anger, betrayal, or relief, often all at once. It’s crucial to acknowledge your emotions and know that the only way is to move through them. Seeking support from a therapist is a valuable step in managing the emotional turmoil. They can provide you with tools to cope and help ground you when everything seems overwhelming. Divorce can also strain your relationships with family and friends. Loved ones may not fully understand the complexities of your situation, and it's common for them to give advice that might not be helpful. It's essential to spend your time with people who do not add to the stress of what you’re going through. This time … [Read More...]
How To Hire The Worst Lawyer Possible
When I got divorced, my lawyer was a terrible fit, so I consider myself an expert on this subject. Here’s how it’s done: And, of course, we find the seeds for how to create a settlement that will work for you in the long term. Many lawyers understand that families and marriages are complex. Creating a divorce settlement is a significant and final project of a marriage. Divorce professionals who assist spouses to look at the divorce as a joint project leave room for each spouse to articulate what they need post-divorce, to share information about what is important to each, and to generate possibilities to efficiently use resources to meet the needs of the family. It is too common that unfinished business in the divorce is inherited by the children. There are usually tough choices in divorce, and it is possible to make those choices in a way that optimizes the outcome for the family and balances the burdens on the spouses. When parents are confident that they have treated … [Read More...]
Tips For Creating Positive Time With Your Kids During a Divorce
Establishing positive visits with your kids is an essential part of helping them to adjust to the changes of a two-home family. Having positive visits is vital for continuing the connection and relationship and ensuring kids feel reassured, responded to and truly seen by their parents after time away. Here are some suggestions that can help you and your children connect: For more information or to schedule a consultation you can visit my website at www.kristinlittlecounseling.com or call (206) 295-8673. … [Read More...]
Retirement Account Transfers as Part of a Divorce
Many clients come to me with concerns about dividing their retirement accounts because of the potential tax implications as a result of those transfers. The short answer to this question is that there typically are no tax implications for assets transferred as part of a divorce, including retirement accounts. Retirement accounts generally come in two flavors - there are those that are self-funded and those that are employee benefit accounts. The employee retirement benefit accounts can also be broken into two categories. The first of those are defined contribution plans such as a 401(k) or a 403(b) account. These types of accounts are ones in which the employee has a pre-tax deduction from their payroll and typically, the employer also provides some matching amount. The second type of employee retirement benefit accounts are defined benefit plans such as a pension or other annuity which pays out monthly upon retirement. Although defined benefit plans … [Read More...]
Collaborative Process: Fear In Divorce
Fear in divorce may be the number one cause of a poor outcome. Fear can manifest through our clients in many forms: victimized, aggressive, impatient, controlling, disorganized, overly organized, or detailed, cold, and uncaring, non-committal, just a hot mess, several of the above, all of the above. Especially where personality disorders reside, fear certainly can inflame and embolden bad behavior. But like a child’s belief in a monster under the bed, the fear is real, it just may be out of proportion or based on fantasy. When fear takes over, executive functions disengage. Clients in fear stall in decision-making or make decisions based on fabrications. Distrust piles on the fabrications; unreasonable expectations pile on the distrust; entitlement piles on the unreasonable expectations, and reasoned resolution has little chance. When fear becomes the biggest body in the room, other participants may minimize the underlying issues, reject the fear as … [Read More...]
Isn’t Collaborative Process Too Expensive?
When people hear that a Collaborative divorce process involves not only two attorneys but also a mental health professional and a financial professional, they often assume it will be more expensive than a simple two-attorney negotiation. It isn’t. Having just two attorneys does not make the negotiation more simple, and it does not minimize costs. It just means that the attorneys are doing all the work, including the gathering and synthesis of financial information, the proposals about how resources should be allocated, the creation of parenting plans, and the emotional coaching. More significantly, both of them are doing that work, and they’re often working against one another rather than together. That’s a recipe for inefficiency, conflict, and frustration. In a Collaborative divorce, the financial professional creates the property reports, the mental health professional does parenting and family systems coaching, and the attorneys aren’t billing for any of that time. That means … [Read More...]
Divorce Process Options
When meeting with new clients, I typically will include in my conversation a discussion about which process may be the right one for divorcing parties to use to help make the decisions that need to be made. Generally, the process options available to parties are as follows: To schedule a consultation call (425) 822-0283 or visit www.felbecklaw.com. Sakaguchi, Felbeck & Reese, PLLC. is located at 520 Kirkland Way, Suite 400, Kirkland, WA 98033. … [Read More...]
Is There Child Support Between Parents When They Share Care of Their Children Equally?
The answer is unique to each family. Child support is comprised of two general categories. A monthly support transfer payment to help meet the basic needs of the child in the other parent’s home, and direct expense sharing for categories of expenses as they arise, such as health insurance and co-pays, agreed extracurricular activities. The basic support transfer payment is calculated pursuant to a state mandated schedule, based upon the net incomes of the parents. The payment flows to the parent who has the care of the children the majority of the time. The presumption is that this parent bears the larger burden for basics – Clothing, meals, hygiene items, babysitting, school supplies, gifts for birthday parties, allowances, etc. - as these expenses typically occur more frequently where the child spends the majority of their time. As parents share care of their child on a more equal schedule, they are also sharing responsibility for and covering their child’s basic needs more … [Read More...]
What Can I Expect in My Divorce?
Many people want to know "what can I expect in my divorce?" There are many factors that can change the path of divorce, but here's a quick overview of the divorce life cycle in Washington: Each step described above may be more complex or simple. Sakaguchi, Felbeck & Reese, PLLC. Is located at 520 Kirkland Way, Suite 400, Kirkland, WA 98033 and our office phone number is 425-456-1840. … [Read More...]
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