FAQs

Learning new skills and breaking old patterns can be uncomfortable at first. The Collaborative team can help both of you learn the communication skills you need in order to work with each other effectively through the divorce process. Constructive and respectful communication underpin a durable, fair outcome, even when there is emotional uncertainty. Your individual attorney and support of the Coach/Family Systems Specialist will help you identify and communicate your needs and interests effectively so they can be addressed in your settlement process.

Education about the process is key. A Collaborative professional can help guide you.  

Collaboration works best when both participants believe it is the appropriate approach for the family/situation and are willing to work at it. Any team member, and certainly your attorney, can provide you with information about Collaborative practice. You might choose to share the brochures, pamphlets, and websites available with your spouse. You can each educate yourselves about the following advantages of the Collaborative process:

• Your privacy is better protected if your differences are not aired in Court
• You two are in control of the outcome, keeping both sets of needs and interests central to your settlement
• You two are best able to recognize a fair settlement and what is best for your children
• It encourages cooperation rather than conflict, which is less stressful
• It encourages strong, constructive co-parenting, which will benefit your children
• You will learn new communication skills that can benefit you in the future, both in this and in other personal and professional relationships
• You will have the opportunity to redefine your family relationships in a way that works for you
• You are likely to feel better about yourself and your ex-partner afterwards than if you had engaged in an adversarial conflict

Opinions differ on this topic. The safety of everyone must be our first concern. Some attorneys feel most abuse situations require a traditional litigative approach, while others feel such situations are better handled in the Collaborative process than in Court. Because of the confidentiality of the Collaborative process, it may be easier for the participants to be forthcoming about their concerns and challenges, and thereby take the first steps towards accepting and choosing effective solutions and treatments. Immediate Court action is sometimes necessary, so please consult with a trained Collaborative attorney about your specific situation and options. Collaborative practice does not avoid dealing with domestic violence or substance abuse issues, and can help a couple with safety protocols, treatment programs, and appropriate referrals while maintaining privacy and respect for willing participants if and when these issues emerge.

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that causes harm and interferes with the other person’s free will and personal liberty. The perpetrator often engages in pressure tactics to intimidate, compel behavior, or cause physical or psychological harm. This behavior falls under the definition of domestic violence in Washington state. Patterns of coercive control within the Collaborative process can result in termination of the process.

A Collaborative divorce process can sometimes work well when substance use is impacting the family. The Collaborative process, which professionals sometimes call a “container,” can hold both spouses in their vulnerability while also creating guardrails to help keep families healthy. Since a Collaborative divorce operates outside of court, it allows spouses to address substance abuse in a constructive way while maintaining privacy. However, this requires that the substance abuse issues are acknowledged and that there is a willingness to address them through treatment and accountability measures. 

Mental health complexities do not automatically rule out Collaborative divorce. The Collaborative process, which professionals sometimes call a “container,” can hold spouses in their vulnerability while also creating guardrails to help keep families healthy. However, these issues must be acknowledged, and there must be a willingness to address them with appropriate treatment and support. Within the Collaborative process, your attorneys may recommend involving an experienced family systems specialist. We may also recommend consulting with a child development specialist or other mental health professional if outside expertise would be helpful with the family’s decision-making.

Collaborative professionals generally follow the standards set by the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP). This includes taking an introductory Collaborative practice training taught by interdisciplinary professionals (minimum 14 classroom hours), at least one 30-hour training in facilitative conflict resolution, and 15 additional hours of training in related areas, such as interest-based negotiation training or advanced mediation training. 

Attorneys specifically trained in Collaborative practice have learned a unique conflict resolution skill set that is quite different from traditional law practice or anything taught in law school. To work together as a Collaborative team, trust among the team members is important and the attorneys need to be on the same page. Therefore, your chances of success are greatly increased if both attorneys are trained in the Collaborative process. Sometimes, attorneys who have not been trained in the Collaborative process believe they are cooperative and pragmatic enough to make it work, but we would caution clients against selecting untrained attorneys in most cases. Collaborative practice is much more robust than simply working together cooperatively and requires an added skill set.

We recommend that you start by connecting with a Collaboratively-trained professional (attorney, financial neutral, co-parenting/family systems coach). Once you have learned more about Collaborative divorce through the resources on this website, take a look at the directory of lawyers (Find a Professional), find someone that you think could be a good fit for you, and reach out. Many people choose to start with finding an attorney, but any professional can help you get started and likely provide referrals.

We also strongly recommend that you wait to make any major logistical or financial decisions until you have met with one or more professionals. This can be hard, because it is so tempting to believe that you will feel better if you just have some things resolved quickly. The Collaborative process, however, works best when the professional team has helped you gather all of the information you need to make decisions holistically.

Yes. The Collaborative process requires each spouse to have their own lawyer. This is not unique to Collaborative, as state Rules of Professional Conduct prohibit lawyers and law firms from representing two clients with adverse interests. Even in the most amicable of divorces, the two spouses’ interests are considered adverse under the law.

The cost of hiring two lawyers may be daunting. This is true for almost every couple going through divorce, and a great topic to bring up in your initial consultation with a lawyer. Big picture, Collaborative divorce is often less expensive than divorces that go through litigation, and clients have more control over the overall costs in Collaborative than they do in litigation.

Additionally, most people who go through Collaborative divorce appreciate having their own attorney as an individual sounding board and expert to guide them through the process.
Option for low-income families: King County Collaborative Law has a sliding-scale fee program to assist lower-income families. You can learn more at the KCCL website.

Generally, yes. Professionals across Washington may differ in their approaches to this, but the general practice is to include a coach/facilitator. This neutral professional adds a deeper level of support for communication between the participants that is integral to a good foundation for reaching a durable agreement.

A participation agreement (“PA”) is a written contract that establishes the ground rules for your Collaborative divorce. It must be signed by both spouses and professionals before the process can truly begin. Importantly, your participation agreement will include a “disqualification provision” to inform everyone that your Collaborative attorneys and other professionals must withdraw from the case if the Collaborative process ends without agreement. This disqualification provision helps ensure that everyone stays committed to finding solutions outside of court, and also minimizes the possibility that someone could misuse the Collaborative process.

Every case is different, of course, but certainly the Collaborative practice is often less expensive than the traditional contested litigation process. Instead of paying competing experts or paying for attorneys to draft requests for financial information, this information is all freely exchanged.  Most couples, even when they are mad and hurt, can eventually determine what is best for their children and make a fair division of their assets. With the help of trained Collaborative professionals, the Collaborative process lets you get to a settlement without wasting time, money, and feelings on fruitless attacks on each other.

Your documents will ultimately have to be signed by a judge. There are limitations on what a judge can sign, especially in the areas of parenting and child support, to ensure that children are safe and have the basic resources they need. Your Collaborative attorney will guide you regarding certain acceptable parameters but in general, you are in control of the outcome. The exciting thing about Collaborative practice is that when you are able to effectively work with your spouse, you will find better solutions than the Court can and you will be more likely to follow the agreements you create. Furthermore, if there are disputes in the future, your experience with the Collaborative process will have equipped you to more easily handle the situation without the expense of litigation.

If you reach a settlement out of court in the Collaborative process, it is very unlikely that you will have to visit a courthouse as part of your divorce process. Local court rules typically allow attorneys to finalize their clients’ divorces by submitting paperwork electronically or by mail.

As part of the Collaborative process, your professional team will help you plan how to make joint decisions and resolve any disagreements after the divorce. You and your ex-spouse can decide, in advance, that if you run into disagreements, you will follow a plan that will be written into your final divorce documents. For example, couples often plan to meet with a co-parenting coach, mediator, and/or Collaborative attorneys if necessary to resolve future disagreements. As always, Collaborative professionals can help you keep these disagreements out of court, which typically reduces costs and helps you maintain privacy and more control over the situation. 

Yes, the Collaborative process can be used to address property division at the end of a Committed Intimate Relationship (CIR). A CIR is a stable, marriage-type relationship of cohabiting partners who have pooled resources–essentially our state’s version of what many people call “common-law marriage” (technically, Washington does not have common-law marriage). When a CIR ends, the parties may use a legal process–Collaborative, litigative, or otherwise–to divide joint property. Stated broadly, the CIR doctrine helps ensure that neither partner receives an unfair financial benefit at the other’s expense. If you think you may have been in a CIR and need legal help, reach out to an attorney right away.

Yes! King County Collaborative Law offers a sliding-scale reduced fee program for clients with limited means. You can find out more here: the King County Collaborative Law reduced-fee program